Since having Lucy I have had a flood of Direct Messages from several of you readers asking how life with Lucy has been. How I am adjusting from going to 1 child to now 2? How Edison has adjusted to having a sister and now having to share our attention? How we prepped Edison prior to Lucy coming? If I am having any postpartum depression or blues? and overall how I am dealing with the 4th Trimester.
I wanted to take some time today and share my responses to these questions. I thought about sharing my answers through IG stories, but I know that this is a topic that hopefully you can come back to if you haven’t quite had your baby yet, or maybe will have children in the future and would love to bookmark this to come back at a later date. A blog post just seemed right! Plus, I love the option of just searching in my search bar for any topic!
I am just going to dive right into each of these topics and hopefully answer them all! If you have any other topics you would like me to discuss, feel free to email or direct message me and I would be happy to respond to you.
HOW EDISON IS ADJUSTING TO HAVING A NEW SISTER
Edison has REALLY surprised me! I honestly wasn’t expecting anything other than the worst to be honest! I have heard stories of toddlers acting out and showing many signs of jealousy when a new sibling arrives. We are a month into having Lucy here, and so far Edison has yet to show any signs of jealousy. I of course am not going to hold my breath that it will always be this way because that it just how life goes!
So far Edison LOVES Lucy! He is constantly kissing her, worried about her when she is crying, and if I am not holding her, he asks, “Where’s baby?” He is constantly concerned about her and it is so sweet. He loves to hold her and more than anything just loves to lay next to her and give smooches!
He has discovered that she takes a pacifier or “binky” as Edison calls it. He would get so confused when we would call it a pacifier, because what we would hear is “fire” haha! He now will give Lucy a pacifier on his own or if I ask him to give it to her. From day 1 he has been so gentle with it. One moment I will always remember was when I was cooking dinner and I had Lucy laying on our bench in our breakfast nook. She had just started to cry and Edison had gone over to her asking “you okay” over and over again. Trying to soothe her by rubbing her head before I handed him a pacifier. He took the pacifier and gently placed it on her lips waiting for her to open her mouth before putting it in. I was seriously blown away that he thought to wait for her to open her mouth first. I was assuming he would act like any other toddler and try to shove it in her mouth! He sure is such a sweet little guy!
One thing I have been doing and continue to do is buy new toys for Edison. When I notice he is having a hard time with me being with Lucy more often, or him getting bored, or even acting out. That is when I will bring out a new toy! I have gotten him new cars, pool toys, bath toys, a kite, sprinkler head to run through and more! This keeps him busy and occupied so that I can focus time on Lucy without feeling guilty!
Here are a few things that I feel has helped Edison to adjusting to this new life.
- We had my mom in town to help out for almost 3 weeks. I truly do feel this helped Edison so much! He had my mom to care and watch him while we were in the hospital almost 3 days then again caring and loving him after we brought Lucy home. He still really had so much attention on him with my mom in town. My sister also came down to visit with her fiancé for a couple days. Edison again, was loved and was still the center of attention for all that he knew!
– I still tried my best to go and give Edison one on one attention any time I wasn’t holding Lucy, especially the first week of having her. I made it seem no different that what he was already used to. I would change his bum, get his jammies on, help clean his hands, and of course play trains or cars with him. It wasn’t much, but it was something he was used to me doing with him.
– Having Brandon home has been super helpful, especially the first month and after my mom left. Since Brandon works from home we are lucky enough to have his help. He has sure stepped up and has given Edison a lot of attention and helps whenever I need an extra hand. He gets Edison food, prepped and ready for bed or naps etc, and of course someone to play with. One thing I noticed happening with Edison after having Lucy has him refusing naps! Luckily for us Edison is still in his crib! He has only climbed out a small handful of times, I am counting my blessings for sure! He would stay in his crib for an hour or 2 at times (never climbing out) and just play and talk to himself. I got rid of all toys and books. All he would have is a blanket and pillow and he still managed to entertain himself for that long! Seriously he is a dream kid! Even though he was having “quiet time” he would then begin to act out because he was tired. He still needs his naps! So we decided to get creative and come up with an incentive with a sticker chart! It took a month, but he filled up all 12 spots on his sticker chart and earned the reward of riding on a real train with his dad!
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HOW I HAVE ADJUSTED GOING FROM 1 CHILD TO NOW 2
Lucy is now 7 weeks old. So I still have a lot to experience and learn. But with that being said, I feel that the hardest transition I have had as a mother is going from zero kids to 1. Going from 1 to 2 has been so much fun! I felt more prepared this time, knew the challenges of a newborn, and felt more confident this time around! Whereas when it’s your first you don’t know what to expect, you don’t realize how difficult it is being a mom, dealing with a fussy baby, teething kids etc. Since I have already gone through those phases I am much more able to enjoy it more this time. Not that I didn’t ever enjoy it with Edison, but I am more relaxed!
I actually had a reader reach out and ask how I am so calm with having a newborn. I responded that she is my second child, you are naturally more relaxed.
Having two kids sure makes me rethink going anywhere in public alone with them however. We have stayed home more often, which honestly hasn’t been too bad! Thank goodness for Amazon Prime and Instacart!! We of course still need to escape the house a few times a week, but I love having Brandon with me!
I am sure even within just one month from now I will feel more confident and will get out more on my own!
What does get a little challenging is when both Edison and Lucy need me at the same time. I really do try my best to focus a lot of attention on Edison when it is needed. Preparing his meals, bath time, getting ready for bed, reading to him for nap time etc. Those are the moments I try to lay Lucy down somewhere and get a few moments on one on one time with Edison. If Lucy continues to cry I will often go and get her and hold her if it is possible, or wear here in the wrap too. Edison seems to understand and will ask why she is crying and if she is okay. I have learned though, that it is OKAY if a baby cries for a little bit. They will be fine. It’s better to let your baby cry another 2 minutes then you get worked up and stressed out!
Edison does really well with playing by himself. He generally does well while I am feeding Lucy and can entertain himself for 30 minutes. He generally is in the same room as me most of the time. I have gotten pretty good at saying from the couch “on your mark, get set, GO!” for his trains, cars and anything else he wants to race 🙂
HOW WE PREPARED EDISON PRIOR TO HAVING LUCY
Books – We are constantly reading to Edison during snack time, nap time, and, of course, bedtime. I knew books would be the best and easiest way for him to begin to understand just what is about to change drastically in his life. We purchased a couple of different books and continued to read them to him and make the idea of having a new sister super exciting.
The two that I love the most focus on two different things:
“Waiting On Baby” shares the experience of Mom having a baby in her belly, and of what happens at doctor visits, etc.
“I am a Big Brother” (See “I Am A Big Sister book” here) is a great book for teaching new responsibilities and fun things that come with being an older sibling.
Amp up the “big brother” role – One thing a friend told me, and I absolutely loved was to really amp up the big brother role verses focusing on the new little baby sister or brother. We started to call Edison “big brother” and were teaching him to say he is a “big brother” once the baby arrived.
We try to teach him that being a big brother is super fun and there are so many perks to being one. Having a friend to play with all the time, someone to sit next to him in the back of the car, he gets to help mommy with the new baby by bringing diapers or wipes and someone he gets to show his new toys too.
Baby Doll – I bought a baby doll to give to Edison. I waited until we are under that month mark to give it to hi , so the idea is fresh on his mind! I have heard from so many people that by giving your toddler a baby doll before the real baby arrives is such a good way to teach them about feeding and changing a babies bum. Another reason I waited until close to my due date was so Edison and I each have our “own” babies. In case if he became jealous for my attention, I can remind him that he has his own baby to take care of. I made sure to also buy a baby bottle so that he can get the chance to feed his own baby. One of my readers suggested to buy a baby stroller too, which I think is a great toddler boy toy to have, if they aren’t huge on the whole baby doll idea. Edison really showed a lot of interest in the baby doll. He naturally held and fed it, and shhh’d the baby. But he did love the idea of pushing the baby doll around in the stroller more! (It’s just a boy thing )
Gifts for New Baby – This is another thing I held off doing it until a week or two out of the baby’s arrival. I wanted to do a fun gift exchange once we were home from the hospital to welcome the Lucy into the family. I took Edison to the store so he can get the opportunity to pick out a gift he can give to his baby sister. This concept was kind of hard for him. Each baby toy I would show him, he liked it, until I said “should we buy this one” then he would tell me NO! Ha I think he was under the impression it was for him. And he didn’t want it! We also wanted to make it just as important that the new baby had a gift for him too. Which I would remind Edison often that the baby was going to bring him a gift too! Brandon and I were on a date night a few months prior to having Lucy and already picked out his gift. We found a new Train track that we knew he would love, but also, something that will be able to distract him for awhile!!
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POSTPARTUM EMOTIONS
This is always the scariest part after having a baby! With Edison I didn’t know what to expect! I wasn’t sure what the baby blues were, or even different feelings that you can feel after having a baby. I experienced mild anxiety. It didn’t last forever, but I would have mild episodes of anxiety happening when Edison would cry! It all started when I would go to bed early for a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep, leaving Edison with Brandon. The sound of Edison crying as Brandon walked up the stairs made my chest sink and feel so heavy. That was me experiencing anxiety. I didn’t know that this could happen! I hated that feeling and was so fortunate that it didn’t stay long. I feared that same feeling would come back with Lucy, or even worse the depression! I am happy to say that I have yet to experience any blues or anxiety. I think what has helped is knowing what anxiety and postpartum blues can be for me. That way if they did come back, I would be aware of what they are!
I will say that every so often, I do experience a very small amount of anxiety this time around, but it isn’t from Lucy. It is from Edison not falling asleep during nap time. I get anxious just knowing he will sit in his crib for 2+ hours and not fall asleep. Knowing I’ll have to deal with a grumpy toddler from no nap. Luckily though, I will have Brandon deal with Edison during nap time to help me out. Again, this has only happened a few times.
HOW I AM DEALING WITH THE 4TH TRIMESTER
A lot have asked how to lose the baby weight. And I think it is different for every woman and everybody. For some it shaves off right away. I know it did for my body when I had Edison. This time around. It has taken a lot longer for me to lose the baby weight. I gained about 30-35 pounds this pregnancy and still have 8-10 pounds to lose. Now that I have my doctor’s approval, I will start to workout at home. I just need to find a good home workout plan I can stick to! With that, I think watching what I eat will help and maybe eliminate my nightly bowl of cereal, or my 2-3 dove chocolates I eat daily!
It really is so hard to look at your body the same way after having a baby! But the truth is, your body isn’t the same. It went through 9 months of growing a sweet little child. It’s hard to not fit into your favorite jeans! Trust me, I still can’t fit into more than half of my jeans!
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xo, Camilla
